Today I gave in.

I have fought and fought.

Ran and ran.

Closed my eyes.

Plugged my ears.

Denied my truth.

Today I gave up.

I gave in.

To God.

To me.

I surrendered.

Let go of the struggle.

Welcomed in love.

I capitulated.

Again and again.

I said to myself.

I don’t want to live this way anymore.

I want to love myself.

Unconditionally.

Fiercely.

Unapologetic.

Centered in my positive ego.

In my self love.

That when I choose that true love of me..

of my Godself..

of the God head..

the Logos.

Atman.

Source.

Void.

It is only then when I choose to love all in the same way.

It is only then I CAN love all in that way.

It is only then I will have full acceptance.

Transcending duality finally once and for all.

I surrender.

And yes, I admit finally..

To myself

To all my friends

To all my family

To God and all

That I am and have been living as an addict for years and years in denial of my personal self and human responsibilities.

Neglecting my own needs and others.

Because my inner child was too wounded to feel..

to be..

to breathe.

Finally I have surrendered to her. To my inner Monikyte.

Finally I have admitted that I have not been the guardian you have so dearly needed and longed for the past 7 years through out my compulsive and addictive behavior.

Today is the start of something new.

Because I have finally, truly, really decided on sobriety, staying clean.

From all of it.

No matter what.

No more escapism.

No more fleeting behaviors.

No more denial.

From now on my medicine is my breath.

From now on my medicine is the Earth.

From now on my medicine is God.

Thank you for so many lessons.

I give in to love.

Today I welcome in love in its fullness.

No matter how angry, no matter how sad, no matter how unworthy I feel I deserve MORE love NOT less.

And no matter what, now I know all these feelings are temporary programs I am clearing out from my lineage, and my true worth could not be further from that perversed “truth” of my own internalized inner critic.

I am the purest of love manifested & materialized.

I can..

and I will

overcome.

I will heal. I will love. I will accept that life is good and wants me to succeed. No matter how far from what I am used to and how uncomfortable it feels to surrender, I welcome in love. From now on, forever more.

Thank you God.

I love you.

I surrender my free will completely to you Sophia God.

13/2-2021

MM ✡️